That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
