i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
