We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
