I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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