He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
