He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
