i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
