You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize