Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
