god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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