whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
