I seem to have left my pride at pride
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
