you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
