I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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