btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize