I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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