You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
