yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
