you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Did we literally take a cab across the street
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
