Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
