what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
