Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
