i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
