R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
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sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
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I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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