Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
