Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
