I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So vagazzling was a success
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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