I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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