3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you inspire me to be a worse person
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
