Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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