you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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