hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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