I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
ttyl tear gas
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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