hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
