just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
