you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
