Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
