Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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