dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
