I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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