dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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