I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
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Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
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Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
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