I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
