I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
