I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
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It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
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Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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