smell my finger.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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