so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The air was thick with penises
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.