Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.