haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
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you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
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I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?