Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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