I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
