well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
