Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
