How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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