You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
being pregnant is like rehab
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
