I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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