Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
