My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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