I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
