Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
