Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
