Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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