When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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