Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
